


A life.

by thelayuplesbian



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Idiots in Love, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 04:59:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18653392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelayuplesbian/pseuds/thelayuplesbian
Summary: “How do I look?” He asks and Bucky chuckles. “Like the best man for the job,” and it’s so unbearably soft that Sam falters for a moment. “Let’s go home, Cap.”





	A life.

Truth is, Bucky’s heart breaks more than a little when he sees Steve. Steve, old, with a wedding ring. He knew Steve was going to do this, go back to before Peggy met her husband and get his happy ending. That didn’t make it hurt any less, it didn’t make him love him any less. Bucky’s loved Steve since he knew the word, every day he’s lived no matter who we was, he loved Steve. Steve never loved him though, not like he wanted. 

Steve saved him so many times, and he never stopped loving him. As desperately as Bucky wanted to be with Steve, he knew it could never be and he was happy for him, really. He had to be happy for him and Peggy, he always knew they were meant to be. So he just told him to go, he told him it’d be okay no matter what and he hugged him tight before he went home. 

It isn’t hard to watch when Steve hands over the shield to Sam. Before it all, before Thanos and the dust, he’d become friends with Sam. He got to know him, he learned about Riley and his momma and everyone Sam loved. He learned that Sam would make a better Cap than he ever could. Sam deserved the shield, Sam deserved everything good he could ever get, and it was so goddamned nice to be able to just be. 

Thing about Steve was he excepted Bucky to be just like he was before. But Bucky wasn’t that guy anymore, he was broken and put back together. It changed him on a fundamental level, it was the best and the worst he’s ever lived through. Sam is good, he’s brave and stubborn and sweet and courageous and everything he loved about Steve. Sam doesn’t have expectations for who Bucky is, he lets him decide how he wants to be. This is what runs through his mind when Sam looks up at him, his eyes ask  _are you sure?_ And Bucky, Bucky just smiles because he’s never been more sure. 

The shield looks good on Sam, like something that’s been missing. He’s the symbol of a nation now, he’s a soldier and part of Bucky wants to throw the shield away and protect him. The other part knows that this is what Sam has to do, this is what the world needs. He can’t help it and he hugs Sam, tight, and tells him he’s proud of him. Sam smiles that blinding, beautiful, tooth gappy smile at him before he goes to talk Bruce, knowing Bucky needs to be alone with Steve. 

On the bench, Steve looks frail and happy. Bucky sits next to him quietly and stares at the water. “You had a life.” Steve hums. “I did, I hope you can too.” The old man says and Bucky smiles gently. “You and Peg have kids?” Bucky asks and Steve smiles. “A beautiful girl, named her Sarah. She’s got two kids now with her wife.” Bucky grips his shoulder. “I’m happy for you Punk.” The elderly man looks up at him, in his eyes it’s Stevie, it’s little Stevie that used to cough his lungs out every single winter and Bucky’s eyes burn. “Thanks Jerk.” It’s croaky and his voice breaks and Bucky pulls him into a tight hug. 

So, he’ll always love Steve, at least a part of him will. But Bucky knows he has to move on. Bruce goes to talk to Steve last, and Bucky goes to Sam. Sam strikes a very patriotic pose with his shield. “How do I look?” He asks and Bucky chuckles. “Like the best man for the job,” and it’s so unbearably soft that Sam falters for a moment. “Let’s go home, Cap.” Steve had kept Sams apartment in the five years they were gone, he tried to keep everything the same out of pure hope. So that’s where they go, Sam has a pull out couch and they talked about Bucky staying there for a while. Neither of them liked to be alone it seemed, and now that they weren’t on the run they could rest. 

The apartment looks the same, nothings been changed and Sam can’t help but smile and breathe it in. Bucky watches in faint amusement, complete admiration.  _He’s beautiful._ Bucky can’t help but think, he smiles softly at his friend. He shuts the door behind them and makes his way to the fire escape. The fire escape reminds him of the old one he and Stevie had, a beautiful view of New York and it breaks his heart a bit to see it. Sam coaxes him inside a bit later with pizza he got delivered. 

“You know, it’s funny,” Bucky starts and Sam looks at him with those beautiful eyes. “I’m happy for Steve, I’m happy he got the life he always wanted-“ He laughs bitterly. “I just wish he had wanted it with me.” Sam takes his hand gently. “You deserve that life, but you deserve it with someone who will love you.”  _Me, Bucky, take me._ He doesn’t say, he wants to say. Bucky sighs and tightens his grip on Sams hand. “Think I’ll find him one day?” Bucky asks and he sounds hopeful. “I know it,” Sam replies easily and Bucky smiles gratefully at him. 

It’s a month later when something shifts. Bucky has a nightmare, he has then a lot but this one, this one was different. He was trapped inside the soldier, watching him toss aside and kill everyone he’s ever loved, people he’s never known until he reaches the last one. There’s the shield, that symbol and he’s screaming for help, begging the solider to stop. The shield lowers and it’s Sam, beautiful Sam and Sam is begging him. Sam is telling him that he isn’t the solider anymore, Sam is screaming for him to come home and he can’t. He’s forced to watch as the solider guts him, takes longer than he needs to for a kill and watches Sam die. 

Sam wakes up to screaming, terrible, heart wrenching, guttural screaming. So he does what he has to, he turns on every light in the house, goes to the living room and wakes Bucky up, gently shaking him. He watches silver blue eyes bolt open, tears falling from them and Bucky gasps out his name. “I’m right here Buck,” He whispers and Bucky looks at him, breathing heavily and sobs in relief. Bucky pulls him in to a crushing hug and buries his face in Sams neck. “He killed you and I couldn’t do anything,” He hears Bucky whisper in the quiet of their apartment and brushes the hair away from his face. “It wasn’t real sweetheart, was just a dream.” Sam whispers and rocks Bucky in the hug until the shaking subsides. 

Apparently, Sam is very strong because Bucky finds himself being lifted and carried to the bedroom. He doesn’t resist, he can’t be away from Sam, he needs him close. They managed to get settled into the bed, Bucky clinging to Sam, and Sam holding him, rubbing his back. “I can’t lose you,” Bucky whispers and Sam kisses his forehead. “I’m here Buck, as long as you’ll have me,” Sam whispers back and smiles gently, kissing his nose. Bucky surges forward and their lips meet, and it feels like he can breathe again. It’s just a chaste kiss, something that promises more. More tomorrow, and every day after and they fall asleep tangled together. 

It’s four months later when he says it. Bucky is there, in his kitchen, in his sweatpants with no shirt on, swaying his hips to music and cooking eggs. He’s right there, like he’s been since they came back and Sam, he’s so unbelievably grateful he has Bucky. So he does what he does most mornings he finds Bucky like this, he plasters himself to his lovers back and let’s himself be. Today though, today is different. “I love you.” It’s a whisper but he knows Bucky hears it. He knows because he drops the spatula and pushes away the eggs, he knows because he turns in Sams arms and kisses him, hard. “I love you too.” Bucky mumbles against his lips and Sam smiles and kisses him again. They spend the day together being lazy then, not a worry in the world and hopeful and looking forward to the future. 


End file.
